Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Online Dating Sucks

Online dating sucks but out of all the sucky methods there exist for meeting women (including daytime venues and clubs) this one has the highest chance of getting results, as mediocre as they may be.

However, looking back over the last 2-3 years, I am finding that the vast majority of women I can connect with from the internet are somewhat unattractive. Connecting with attractive women it seems, is becoming increasingly rare. Attractive women, even borderline attractive it seems, have set their sights on the very best men available online, and the only gauge for "best" online is looks, so it stands that even barely attractive women are pining only for the very best looking men online. They have completely internalized what the media tells them, directly or indirectly, about the kind of man that is best for the average woman. The media basically tells them that only an above average man is suitable for the average woman.

I also strongly suspect that women are looking for an archetype male, one who fits a certain mold as portrayed in the media, such as artsy type, bad boy type, GQ type, surfing type, pea coat wearing type, rapper type, model pretty boy type etc. These women want to portray a certain image as manufactured by the media so they seek a male who best does that. When women scan online profiles it's probably not that different from them flipping through the pages of a men's magazine to find the man they like the best. Yes they choose from a variety of men but it's a restricted choice based on what the media tells them they should choose from. It's an elitist pretentious narrow minded selection process.

Women have been inundated and brainwashed with the media definition of the "perfect man" and they seek this out the way they seek out the best product on store shelves, never minding what they themselves bring to the table in return. Being average or even somewhat above average is no longer sufficient for the average woman. This is proven most directly in the online personals.  The online personals has become a way for the average woman to seek out an above average man, not as a way to meet someone they like and can have fun with, but someone who meets their ridiculously high standards. The online personals has, strictly speaking, become a platform for women seeking perfection, a behaviour which is enforced by the sheer number of men who reach out and pander to women online (and offline). Yes, you can get women from the personals but it is most likely with women who are below your league, looks wise and status wise. These women will most certainly not be as good looking as you, which can lead you to criticize me for being shallow, but realize that it is the women who are choosing the better looking men en masse. At one time there used to be a trade off: The man has more money and/or more social status, and she has more in the way of looks. But now women want a man with more social status, more money, and looks at least as good as their own, and since women have an inflated sense of their own attractiveness then in reality the man will also have to be better looking to meet or exceed their own perceived sense of attractiveness. Women have thus become 100% hypergamous. The man must be greater than them in ALL regards, and no trade off is possible.

For the single man who has no peer group from which to meet women, I can no longer recommend the online personals as even a somewhat viable source of dating success. There was a time when it used to be better but that is no longer the case. I now only recommend it as a type of lottery where you can occasionally get lucky with a woman, and even less occasionally with an attractive woman. However, it still beats trying to meet women in clubs or daytime venues, but only because those avenues are themselves so incredibly shitty to begin with providing even less chance of meeting someone. But this does not change the fact that online dating sucks and any alternative which would naturally allow you to consistently meet women without them screening you for perfection or them being overly guarded and suspicious of you is the alternative you must go for. Finding that alternative is the key and to me that alternative can only come from meeting foreign women in whatever way possible (either overseas or local women who recently moved here). Simply put, they must be cut from a different cloth, or you are almost always wasting your time.

In the online personals, all you can do is put the best pictures of yourself and try different profiles, rude to nice or something in between, and maybe the contrast in profiles will get a woman to message you out of intrigue if nothing else. You can write a profile that says you just want sex or a profile that says you just want friends (and see what happens), or a profile with something in between. It's still a crap shoot but you can tilt the odds more to your favor by trying out different extremes.

You can send them a wink or a smile (such as on lavalife) in order to get them to notice you, but they need to message you first, especially if they are attractive. If they message you first they are much more likely to look for reasons that they made the "right choice" and things are more likely to go the distance, but if you message them first they are more likely to look for reasons that you are just like every other guy who messages them, and things likely won't go the distance. This is female vanity at work, nothing more.

Some might argue that waiting for women to message first is counterproductive because if women also did that then no one would meet! Now I will admit that as a general statement this is true BUT here's the crux: The overwhelming majority of women do very little of the initiating and men take up the slack as a result. Being just another man who messages women first and takes most of the initiative feeds into a corrupt system and the only way to break the system is to stop doing this. Since there is no balance to begin with it makes no sense to view things from a traditionally balanced perspective. The only balance possible is to take away men's participation as much as possible and force the women into a more active role. And once they do then men can once again start taking more initiative, and balance then becomes feasible. But getting women to send the first message is only the first step. They need to be more proactive in general about meeting men (online and offline) and taking the social risks that go with it. But this won't happen unless men collectively start doing LESS.

So until women start acting more as equals and less like children in the dating arena, a different hand must be played. And I am discussing one way to play that hand.

With the way things are right now, I have found that the only way to get anything worthwhile and genuine is by screening for casual meetings with no strings sex as your main desire. You can either say this directly in your profile, or you can say it in a nicer way in which you state you don't want anything serious and just want to have fun, which by the way is what women put when they want to communicate that they want no strings sex. But even with these women it can still be very difficult to get with them because often times they still want the very best looking men, but at least it's just sex they want which is one thing, which pretty much all guys can deliver, but the boyfriend (i.e. prince) must be many things, which almost always screens you out.

It's the women who look for boyfriends and something "genuine" and "real" that must be avoided completely. By using these terms these women are actually referring to dating, dinner, waiting for sex, and whatever other relationship stipulations this society tells women they deserve and as such should demand from a mate.

It might seem like I'm taking an overly extreme position by screening for 100% sex. But Toronto women force you to take extremes. For example, if you said you were looking for something between a casual and serious relationship, the women will try to push you towards the serious relationship end of the spectrum (along with all the bullshit that goes with that). So if you give them even the possibility of an opening they will try to take it, hence the reason why I have to take the extreme position that I do.

However, if by chance she is nice enough then more can develop, and it will be much more REAL. But I never start off with the possibility of "more" because it always invites the scheming types. By the strangest of ironies, screening for sex is the best filter for finding women with which you can have a healthy genuine relationship with, and that is a cold hard fact. Even more counterintuitive is that if you screen for sex you also have to mention that you will be seeing other women, because if you don't you'll get women who also want sex but who want you all to themselves, which is not necessarily a big deal BUT it is a symptom of a controlling jealous personality, which will still lead you down misery lane. So you have to be militant, lay it all out there and as a result strip away any means a woman can use to corral or control or place restrictions on your behaviour. Toronto women force you to be this way. If you try to be a nice guy and play nice you invite the bitches and end up wasting lots of time.

Now, you will get very few women showing interest in you if you do it this way, but when they do they are almost a sure thing. Why go on a bunch of dates using a "safe" profile and have them go nowhere? Better to be militant and only go for those few who are ready and willing. Now, if you don't mind getting with unattractive girls you can be gentler in your approach and you'll still get them but if you want to get with the more attractive women (the ones who are still single) you definitely need to be militant in the way I describe. The reason is because their personalities range from narcissistic to bored and only a hammer strike can get through, if at all.

But if you want to hook up with a variety of different attractive women on a regular basis, or even just one really hot girl, the elusive kind you can never get, the only sure fire way is with prostitutes. Any other method you try is shit in comparison. At least you will know the price up front, and you don't have to guess at a price while pretending that a price doesn't exist, otherwise that would just "offend" the women. And aside from the time and effort and money spent on the traditional approach, part of the price in the traditional approach is you risking humiliation due to the possibility of her not actually liking you rather than just her resisting you because it's what women of "value" do, and you assuming it's the latter and trying to plow through that.

In this next part I'm basically ranting about the kind of things that women commonly write in their online profiles. These are some of the bullshit things I read over and over and it pisses me off every time I do! This is what they write and my interpretation of it:

I'm not looking for someone who is perfect, just perfect for me

My interpretation:

What's the fucking difference? You still want perfection according to your dumb ass superficial criteria, which changes absolutely nothing!  

Looking for someone who can make me laugh

My interpretation:

You want to be entertained, on top of everything else. Although being able to laugh and have a sense of humor is important, the fact that you feel it must be emphasized probably means you are lacking something in the sense of humor department, or you're just a retard.

You must love dogs

My interpretation:

So what if I don't. What's so important about loving a particular kind of animal. Much better to put that you must love animals in general. Saying that I must love dogs means that I must love YOUR dog. Who am I spending time with, you or your dog?? Dumbass!

Looking for chemistry and romance

My interpretation:

You are a waste of time. You have unrealistic expectations. You are stuck up. You lack introspection. You are selfish about your needs. You only care about how a man can make you feel, and not who he is and meeting him halfway.

Seeking my soul mate

My interpretation:

See above.

I'm a romantic at heart

My interpretation:

See above.

Looking for the one

My interpretation:

See above.

Prove to me you are not like the rest

My interpretation:

Your glass is empty and always needs refilling. You are also probably seeking something that doesn't exist and are likely ignoring what you can give a man in return which will help bring out his unique side, which you so desperately crave. You go on a date, give little in the way of conversation, act bored and uninterested, the guy tries to engage you but unavoidably fails, therefore he is like all the rest. In that sense you are correct, because no man can get blood from a stone.

Seeking someone who will always make me think of him when he's not there 

My interpretation:

More romantic bullshit doomed to failure! The moment you get bored or start thinking of something besides him then he will have failed you. He couldn't keep you obsessed about him so he clearly doesn't have what it takes. Never mind that you are probably a chronic stimulation seeker who gets bored easily.

No picture, no reply. It's only fair. 

My interpretation:

This pisses me off just because it's so incredibly common. It's like women don't know how to ask for a picture in any other way!

Looking for someone who has goals and has his life in order (insert something about financial stability blah blah)

My interpretation:

You want a guy with lots of money and a fancy lifestyle. Everything else you write is filler and padding for this one single thing that you care about.

Do you have what it takes to be chivalrous?

My interpretation:

This just pisses me off on so many levels. She throws this down almost as a challenge, as if the measure of a man is how much he will cater to a woman. Next!

Seeking a gentleman

My interpretation:

This is basically the same thing as the above.

Is chivalry dead?

Yes. And women killed it - Dave Chappelle

Catch me if you can 

My interpretation:

You probably like playing hard to get because it gives you a feeling of power over men, watching them beg and pander and supplicate to get closer to you. You are not even worth trying to meet halfway.

I love good food

My interpretation:

She's a dinner whore. She wants you to take her to a nice restaurant.

I am a mother of amazing kids 

My interpretation:

This seems most common on pof. It's as if you have to put that you have amazing kids otherwise you're a bad mom. The sheer use of the word "amazing" shows serious lack of creativity. One more reason to hit the next button.

Looking to meet a great guy

My interpretation:

Anytime a woman specifies that she wants to meet someone great, super, amazing, etc. she is screening for perfection. You have a snowballs chance in hell of ever meeting her.

Seeking my prince

My interpretation:

More Disney inspired bullshit. Why oh why can't men be like what she sees on movies and television. You know, those scripted Prince Charming types who say and do all the right things.

Looking for something real and genuine

My interpretation:

Looking for someone who courts, goes on dates, waits for sex, and jumps through hoops. Anything else is fake.

Looking for the real deal

My interpretation:

See above.

Looking for someone honest and trustworthy

My interpretation:

See above.

Looking for someone who can keep up

My interpretation:

Pure arrogance. As if you're such hot shit that keeping up with you is an elite achievement. Me thinks you have an overly high opinion of yourself.

Do you have what it takes?

My interpretation:

See above.

If you just want sex look elsewhere. I'm not interested in being a booty call

My interpretation:

You want men to want you for more than just sex. Fair enough. But women like you typically are hypersensitive to this sort of thing so that a man practically needs to be gay (or asexual) to get through your defenses. Also, this suggests a snobbish attitude towards sex in general, and any woman who says this sort of thing is always pricing herself out of the market.

I'm skeptical about online dating

My interpretation:

She is prejudiced against meeting men online, so you will have to overcome that in addition to winning her over. Fuck that!

I'm shy and don't open up right away

My interpretation:

She is a cold fish and you will have nothing to work with if you do manage to meet her. The fact that she's online and telling people she's shy and doesn't open up right away means that she is seriously socially inept to the point that she can't even connect with people she meets in real life.

There's more out there I haven't mentioned. If you read enough profiles you'll notice common things that women write, like the kind I have mentioned. You will learn to avoid the women who write these things. You can basically sum these things up as anything that's overly romantic sounding, idealistic, pretentious, clich├ęd, hints at a personality disorder, or is just plain ridiculous.

You will find that women that message you first don't write anything like what I mentioned. The only exception might be a foreign woman who recently moved here, who has some idealistic views but does not have the polluted personality that goes with it, as is the case for homegrown women.